I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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