Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
