He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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