The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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