Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
