textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
