My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
