ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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