The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
this is an emotional support booty call
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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