I cannot find my penis.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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