haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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