would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize