we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My ass is underappreciated
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
