Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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