The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
