I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
