I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
