there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
