i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
