my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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