I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
