so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
