I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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