I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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