I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
