just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
