Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
