Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
