that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
