if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
