They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I am available for nakedness
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
