More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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