tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
