i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
