Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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