I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
