Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
