Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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