I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it glows. i had to have it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
