the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
