I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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