im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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