areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
