they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
