where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
