I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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