guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
