you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
