okay pat passed out under dana's car
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
