Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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