I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
