New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm always down for nudity.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
