just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
