Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
