you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
