Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
