just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
