i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
