whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
