I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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