just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
