omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
