Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
