i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
