I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize