I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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