My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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