We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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