I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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