It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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