sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
