My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
