Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
