i can't believe i had my finger in that
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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