Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
