He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
