so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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