Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
