you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
