She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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