I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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