after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dick very happy bro
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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