did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I want her autograph on my taint
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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