yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
