so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
