i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
