It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
