the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
