My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
