bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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