Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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