he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
