Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
