So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize