i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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