I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
