HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
