i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
