Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
