He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
