you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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