my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
