obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
