C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
