Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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