What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
